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Early Explorers:When Toddlers Discover Their Sexual Selves
By Phyllis Ring
Another reason children touch themselves is for physical and emotional comfort, with self-stimulation often occurring when a toddler is tired or going to sleep, notes Keyvan Geula, a marriage, family and child therapist in private practice in Pomona, Calif.
"This is the opportune time for parents to respond to the emotional and spiritual needs of their child and build a foundation for future healthy relationships," Geula says. "We can acknowledge that touching feels good, just as hugging or sucking fingers does, especially for toddlers, who experience much of their world through their bodies. It is helpful to ask, 'Are you tired honey? Would you like Mommy to rub your back?' This approach helps the toddler internalize the important relationship education that loving touch is physically, emotionally and spiritually nurturing and pleasurable. And also that being touched by a trusted and caring person is a richer experience than self-touch."
Occasionally, toddlers masturbate excessively, which may indicate stress in some area of their life. Control of body sensations may be used to compensate for lack of control in toilet training or eating patterns. "Such self-stimulation may also occur because adults aren't responding to a child's activity as normal," says Haskell. "He learns to get attention this way." Praising the child's progress in other areas and responding to genital play in a low-key way may help.
Many parts of a toddler's day are tailor-made for learning about bodies and sex differences. Children with siblings of the opposite sex often have opportunities to notice differences. Toilet training or diapering naturally draw a toddler's focus to the genital area, and dressing or bathing are times when parents can help little ones learn. They need to feel good about their whole body, so casually referring to genitals as another legitimate body part i important, Geula says. "Make a list of body parts, using correct names, and say them as your child finds them. Cartoon-like, age-appropriate picture books on human sexuality can also be a good tool for talking about the similarities and differences between males and females."