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Toddlers Who Run the Show
Tips for Dealing with the Strong-willed Child
By Shannon McKelden
Obviously, a toddler who insists on being in control can lead to difficulties: being late because you had to coax your toddler into appropriate clothes, supermarket meltdowns when they can't push the cart, etc. But there's more.
"Strong-willed behavior can cause conflicts with other children, [including] difficulty sharing [and being] aggressive physically and verbally," says Marilyn Greene, an early childhood specialist from Agoura Hills, Calif. "Parents ... often get frustrated, feel overwhelmed and ineffective. If the behaviors are extreme and frequent, parents sometimes don't even like their toddlers."
Tough toddlers can affect the whole family. "Siblings of the strong-willed toddler frequently react with exasperation and frustration," Dr. Kapalka says. "Because of his high-maintenance personality and over-reactions when he does not get his way, other siblings frequently give in to the toddler, but feel a sense of unfairness because he gets his way most of the time, while others do not. Or the siblings get used to just arguing and fighting all the time with the sibling. Neither has a good effect on sibling relationships."
Being strong-willed isn't all bad, though. Kids with strong personalities can become good leaders, if taught that being a leader doesn't always mean getting their own way, of course.
"People often commented on how 'independent' [my daughter] was, and how she definitely knew her own mind," Kannin says. "I considered those comments to be compliments. Of course, it didn't feel like much of a blessing when she was screaming at me that she wanted to wear jeans and an old ratty shirt to church or a friend's birthday party."