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Toddlers Who Run the Show
Tips for Dealing with the Strong-willed Child
By Shannon McKelden
"Both my kids were quite strong-willed as toddlers, but I think my daughter took the cake," says Josefin Kannin, a mom from Seattle, Wash. "As early as [age] 2, we were having battles over what clothes she was going to put on. She also had a tendency to just wander off whenever we were in a public place, ignoring me calling her."
Whether asserting themselves about clothing styles, which foods they won't eat or refusing to nap, toddlers who need to be in charge can be extremely frustrating. But what causes this behavior?
"While some tendency to test limits is age-appropriate for toddlers, who are just discovering a sense of control over their environment, some toddlers exhibit more severe tendencies toward wanting to be in control," says Dr. George M. Kapalka, clinical psychologist and author of Parenting Your Out-of-Control Child (New Harbinger, 2007).
Dr. Kapalka explains that while we all want to be in control and react with frustration when we can't be, impulsive toddlers have trouble with self-control and overreact in a variety of ways, including protests and tantrums. "A toddler who is especially impulsive is usually also strong-willed and has poor frustration tolerance and limited self-control," Dr. Kapalka says. "Those factors underlie the majority of behavioral problems in this age group."
Lisa Molson had a strong-willed toddler. "When it was inching up in temperature, reaching the high 90s, Samuel insisted on wearing his long-sleeve tops," says the San Jose, Calif., resident. "He would scream every time I tried to get him to wear a shorter sleeve top. At night time, I knew he would get way too hot." At other times, Samuel prefers to do things for himself. "Whenever I need to get him out of his car seat, he insists on unbuckling himself first. If I unbuckle the top latch, then he will re-buckle himself in and then unbuckle himself. Crazy."