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That's Mine!
The Difficult Art of Toddler Sharing
When Mosser sought the advice of her son's teacher, Mary Brock, "my heart was in my throat. I was sure she'd tell me that I was a clearly a terrible mother." But Brock was reassuring. "Just because a three year old doesn't want to share doesn't mean he'll grow up to be a terrible, selfish person. I suggested that Kristen give Bradley something specifically for sharing. We started with grapes. Bradley was supposed to give each child a grape, and we made sure that he'd still have some leftover for himself. Once he got past the fear that sharing would leave him with nothing, it got a lot easier for him."
In general, Brock advises parents to take sharing slowly, in small steps. Punishing a young child for not sharing is counterproductive, she says. "If the first thing a child thinks of when he hears the word 'sharing' is 'That's what got me into trouble last time,' he's not likely to warm up to the idea." Rombauer adds, "I like creative approaches to problem solving you have to think in a toddler's terms. Help them understand why it's important to share not with complex theories, but with simple actions."
Most importantly, Brock and Rombauer agree that not sharing is a normal part of children's development. Their advice is to give it some time. Often, toddlers will come around of their own accord as a natural part of the growth process.
Mosser's son Bradley is living proof that children who are slow to share do eventually get the hang of it. "He's five now," Mosser says, "and his younger sister is three. The other day, I walked by the playroom and I heard him tell her, 'You're a very good sharer. I'm very proud of you.' So I guess I'm getting something right in my parenting!"