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Bump in the Night
How Can You Conquer Common Childhood Fears? By Mark Stackpole
"The main fear for kids is immediate: something happening to their parents or family,"Dr. Waters says. "Anything that threatens the integrity of the family can be deeply frightening to a child, whose survival feels dependent on the family being there and being effective." But according to Dr.Waters, most childhood fears are natural rather than ones learned through trauma and threat.
situation arises. "The principal thing parents can do to help is to help children with 'mastery' 'mastery of fear' is one of the main things that children learn in childhood,"Dr. Waters says. "You help kids with this by talking to them about their fears, normalizing both the fear and the process of working on it with a parent." No one enjoys being afraid, and children really want to learn how to control and master their fears. However, they do not yet have the tools to do so on their own. Parents can walk them through it, presenting strategies in a slow and helpful way.
Dr. Waters lists the following approach to helping a frightened child begin to develop mastery:
- Allow the child to gradually approach the feared object.
- Provide advanced preparation for potentially scary things.
- Be very supportive of their efforts.
- Move at an appropriate pace for the child.
Of course, parents can easily take the opposite route when it comes to handling their children's fears. By not taking the fears seriously, or perhaps rushing their children into getting over them, parents can send an unhelpful message.
"Shock and surprise don't work," Dr. Waters says. "A parent may overwhelm kids by trying to 'show them there's no real danger.' Nor does it help to belittle the fears 'Grow up, you baby. It's just a little spider!' The child needs to see and absorb the parent's comfort level with the scary object and gradually approach feeling a little more that way themselves. As we talk them through it, they can see how we cope with the situation."