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Magical Moments
Precious Memories from Our Children Come in Big and Small Sizes
By I.J. Schecter
The traditional milestones do have relevance, since professionals use them to assess a child's development within a normal range compared with his or her peer group, and it is certainly important for you to encourage your child's mental growth with books, conversation, age-appropriate toys and social interaction. However, as a parent, it is critical to understand the term normal range.
"It's better to think of your child's development as a continuum," says Dr. Leigh Ann Wayland, a child psychologist in Toronto, Canada. "Too many parents hold up the milestones as neon signs that must be reached by a certain date. Yes, we use these milestones as general guidelines to flag delays in some children, but the milestones occur within periods of months, not days or minutes. Putting your child on a clock can be counterproductive because, even though you don't realize it, a child can sense your anxiety and react in negative ways. In some ways society has put such emphasis on milestones that parents have become more uneasy today, which isn't helpful."
Shannon, a mom in Cincinnati, Ohio, agrees. "When I think of Abby I don't necessarily think of when she first crawled or walked or talked. Instead I think about the remarkable things I see her do from day to day, like the way she inspects her own hands," she says. "She just stares and stares at them, amazed, as if she's thinking, 'How did those things get there? And what can I do with them?' That's more beautiful to me than anything."
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