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Getting to "I Did It!"
Encouraging Toddlers to Be Independent By Shannon McKelden
"Another upside to offering choices is that toddlers who are beginning to want to make their own decisions will be less likely to get into power struggles with you when given the chance to flex their own muscles a bit," Waldburger says.
Dr. O'Connell suggests making tasks fun. "Sometimes it will be more fun for them to feed you with utensils ('Give Mommy a bite and then you take a bite')," she says. "Another example of this would be picking up toys, which can be made into a game or done to music."
Of Gerber's children, all were very independent except daughter No. 3. "She was selective about the things she wanted to do ... and what she didn't want to do," Gerber says. "I'm not sure my way of handling it was the best by repeatedly asking her and eventually giving her a time period to do so (before I count 10, before I come over there, before Mommy gets angry)."
Waldburger warns that toddlers tend to have a low frustration tolerance. "So you are always trying to walk a fine line between allowing some independence/encouraging creative problem solving, but not allowing your child to get so frustrated on a regular basis that he gives up," she says. "As long as he's completing most of the tasks you're giving him, he's doing well. If he's more frustrated than not, then you're probably a couple of steps ahead of where he is, and it's time to lower expectations a bit."
"Parents need to be reminded to sit back and relax a little," Osborn says. "Give the toddler time to master skills at her own pace, with encouragement but not with pressure."