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Do Time-Outs Work for Toddlers?
Two Moms and an Expert Sound Off By Donna Smith
"One of the most challenging roles for parents is that of disciplinarian," says Melissa Nixon, mother of three from Katy, Texas. "We are in a constant battle between our own frustration with our child's behavior and a need to guide their behavior in a productive and positive way. Most parents agree that hitting or slapping a toddler does little, if anything, positive for either parent or child. We would find ourselves constantly slapping and hitting our children, so we have developed a method called 'time-out' but does this method work for toddlers?"
Nixon says her experience in giving her children time-outs as toddlers was very frustrating. "The toddler would get up and refuse to stay in time-out and, even with my trying every method to explain when asked why he would not remember why," she says. "When they got out of time-out they would return immediately to negative behavior. At the end, I found myself even more angry and frustrated than when I began."
So what did she do? "I came to realize that the concept of time-out was too advanced for a toddler," she says. "Their ability to sit still and think while remembering why they are in trouble had not developed. I wanted my child to keep their energy and curiosity alive, as they need this drive to grow. Their minds are racing to grasp all of the new stimuli in this magical world. How can you use this magical energy in your favor for the purpose of discipline? I found 'redirection' or changing their focus along with a lot of positive reinforcement goes a long way. For example, you discover your toddler coloring on the wall. Tell the toddler this makes Mommy sad and then immediately hand them paper; when they color on the paper, praise them each and every time. Another example: The toddler is climbing on the coffee table. Take the toddler down and find another activity that interests them and then encourage that behavior with positive reinforcement."