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Grandma in Charge
When Grandparents Care for Kids
By C.J. Johnson
"When my children were infants, I could not conceive of leaving them with strangers," she says. "My mom took a sabbatical when my first was born and has continued to care for them at least one day a week."
In order to avoid conflicts, Dr. Pompa has a few suggestions: "There should be firm agreements between the grandparents and the parents regarding the child's routine, disciplinary practices and the type and amount of supervision," she says.
The agreements might include everything from detailed information on acceptable foods to whether or not spanking can be used.
Grandparents must make sure to respect their own child's parenting decisions. "The grandparents should be very clear about their child's values and the parenting principles that are followed in the home. Discipline will be most effective if the grandparents' and parents' parenting and disciplinary practices are similar between both households," Dr. Pompa says.
Respect is required of both parties. "The parents will feel supported and respected if the grandparents honor their decisions with regard to parenting and disciplinary practices," Dr. Pompa says. "If the grandparents and their child have differences of opinion, they should be discussed and settled prior to placing the child in daycare with the grandparents."
Although Sember did not discuss the guidelines with her parents before they began caring for her children, she and her parents work well together. Sember points out that her parents understand what her rules are. But when a unique circumstance arises at the grandparents' house, they are free to decide how to handle it on their own. She adds that, in the end, the two parenting parties mostly agree.
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