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Home › Articles › Family › Goodbye, Daddyfish

Goodbye, Daddyfish

Lessons Toddlers and Preschoolers Can Learn from the Death of a Pet

By Mark Stackpole

Pages:  1  2  3  4  

Through being honest and open, a parent can help the child develop a more positive perspective on a tragic situation, one that allows children to feel sad but not sacrifice all of the wonderful memories of their life with the pet. This outlook paves the way for a child to welcome another pet into her home and her heart.

"If the kids want to know when they can get another pet, parents need to be careful not to send the message that the death of one pet means we can never get another one, or that there is no recovering from a loss like this," LaFarge says. "Being dead means being gone, and that is the moment of ultimate separation. The behaviors around the loss of the pet are key. Parents must send the message, 'You and I can get through this.'"

With this in mind, it wasn't long before the kids came home not with one fish, but with two, Bobby and Jessica. Though I would have preferred Daddyfish III, I understand that in naming the fish themselves, Corinne and toddler Lucas have taken that first step toward establishing a close and meaningful relationship with the newest members of the family.

If it's any consolation, Daddyfish, one fish wasn't enough to take your place – it took two to fill your aquarium. We'll miss you, but life goes on.

And so we end at the beginning.

Tools for Understanding

Looking for a way to help your toddler or preschooler better understand what it means to lose a pet? Try one of these books:

  • The Tenth Good Thing About Barney (Aladdin, 1987) by Judith Viorst
  • Dog Heaven (Blue Sky Press, 1995) by Cynthia Rylant
  • Cat Heaven (Blue Sky Press, 1997) by Cynthia Rylant
  • When a Pet Dies (Putnam, 1998) by Fred Rogers
  • I Miss You: A First Look at Death (Barron's, 2001) by Pat Thomas
  • Up in Heaven (Doubleday, 2004) by Emma Chichester Clark

    • Talk It Out

    As you are trying to help your kids, maybe you also need some guidance in dealing with all of the issues surrounding the death of a pet. Need advice about what to say? Wondering if euthanasia might be the right choice for an ill pet? Maybe you just need someone to talk with you about your own grief. Give Dr. Stephanie LaFarge, senior director of counseling for the The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA), a call at 877-GRIEF10. She cares about pets and their families and can offer kind words, sound advice and even a shoulder to cry on.


    Pages:  1  2  3  4  

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    Comments

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    Lessons Children Can Learn from the Death of a Pet by Shelley on 09/02/2009 11:46AM

    We had our dog put down, and it was much harder than we imaged. Our little ones were crushed, but it opened up some really good topics of conversation.

    Re: Goodbye, Daddyfish by barb on 11/11/2008 03:20PM

    What an absolute darling article. The author tells his story so well, then loved getting even more advice from an actual childhood expert. We buried our dog a few months ago, and the kids were devastated. So sad if they have to learn this lesson so early, but a reality.

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