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Goodbye, Daddyfish
Lessons Toddlers and Preschoolers Can Learn from the Death of a Pet
By Mark Stackpole
"Corinne, I have some bad news. Daddyfish died," I said.
"Why? Was he sick?" she asked.
"I don't know, honey, but he's gone."
"Oh, no. Oh, no. That makes me sad."
"It makes me sad, too, Baby. I'm very sorry."
"I want to see him."
She needed to see him and insisted upon it. I guess it wasn't real to her until she saw him floating rather than swimming, gills stilled. Like a champ, she wanted to catch him with the net, and then proceed to the funeral services that I had described to her – a few kind words and then a flush.
"Goodbye, Daddyfish," she said, rather abruptly. Given her propensity for drama and chatter, I expected more. With a quick flip of her wrist and a speedy flush, it was over. Or so I thought.
Immediately after the ceremonial flushing, she turned to me, face crumpled and tears already forming. She cried. And as I clutched her close and felt her sorrow course through her tiny body, I cried, too. This wasn't just about a fish. It was about the very first time that my little girl had to bid farewell to something, knowing that it was not going to come back. Forever is a long time, even for a little goldfish. Corinne had faced something from which I could not protect her – the inevitable end of a life.
Just like Horton said, "A person's a person, no matter how small." A tiny speck to everyone else, Daddyfish was, well, Daddyfish. And we loved him. I cried for Daddyfish. I cried for Corinne. I selfishly cried for myself as I wondered how I woul help her through future experiences like this. It is death that gives meaning to our finite lives. That doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye.
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Re: Goodbye, Daddyfish by barb on 11/11/2008 03:20PM
What an absolute darling article. The author tells his story so well, then loved getting even more advice from an actual childhood expert. We buried our dog a few months ago, and the kids were devastated. So sad if they have to learn this lesson so early, but a reality.
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Lessons Children Can Learn from the Death of a Pet by Shelley on 09/02/2009 11:46AM
We had our dog put down, and it was much harder than we imaged. Our little ones were crushed, but it opened up some really good topics of conversation.