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Home › Articles › Discipline › Tough Toddlers

Tough Toddlers

What to Do if Your Baby is a Bully

By Kelly Burgess

Pages:  1  2  3  

The child tells the other person he is mad. It's OK to do so in an angry voice.
  • Step two: The child says why, but in terms of one of the two root emotions behind his anger. Anger isn't a root emotion – there's either hurt or fear behind it. For instance, a child might say, "I'm really mad at you for calling me names because it hurt my feelings."
  • Step three: Have the child state his expectations, such as: "I want you to stop doing that!"
  • Step four: Have the child request an acknowledgement: "OK? Can you agree to that?"

    "This approach is much more powerful than name calling and hitting," says Dr. Medhus. "It actually resolves the conflict. It also helps children identify core feelings and see them not as something to use as a weapon against themselves or others but as a communication tool designed to bring about change, whether that communication is with themselves or another person."

    The Makeover
    The parent of an aggressive child is the one who has to initiate the changes because the child doesn't know how to do so. Dr. Borba suggests getting some strategies from one of the many books available and writing down a makeover strategy. In other words, have a plan for what you will do when your child behaves aggressively.

    Once you have your strategy, get everyone else on board who is involved in your child's care and discipline. This means your spouse or the child's other parent, your child's daycare or preschool providers and any pertinent extended family members.

    Then, start keeping track of incidents and your responses to them on a daily calendar. This can be similar to keeping a journal. If the number of incidents declines over time, then progress is being made, so keep it up. If the number stays the same or increases, it may be time to seek professional help.

    Even if it comes to that, the chances of successfully changing your child's behavior are very good. It just takes time, patience and love.

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