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Oh, Those Outbursts!
Taming Tantrums Without Losing Your Sanity By Gina Roberts-Grey, LCSW
Kids Love an AudienceAll parents know the rush of horror when their toddler chooses a public forum to assert herself. When her daughter was nearly 3 years old, Deborah Sebastian, a single mom living in Kew Gardens, N.Y., learned that restaurants and grocery stores are often a toddler's favorite places to show her temper. "She sat down right in the middle of the aisle and began crying because she couldn't open a package of cookies," says Sebastian. "I was mortified."
For parents it seems as though our children have no idea we feel helpless in a crowd of strangers. What is surprising is that, in reality, they are more aware than we realize. Children sense the change in their surroundings and use this as an opportunity to demonstrate their spirit. The unfamiliar arena of the grocery store offers a new chance to test the limits of your patience and their bargaining skills.
All parents share the myriad of emotions that Sebastian felt the first time her child threw herself on the floor of the store in disappointment over a box of cookies. "Don't despair at your child's unusual and uncharacteristic actions," says Meredith O'Toole, M.S.W., of Naperville, Ill. "The tantrum is not a reflection of your parental proficiency but a reaction to their awareness of powerful emotions such as anger, jealousy and disappointment."
Although it may seem tough to remember in the middle of a tantrum, this is an exertion of your child's independent development. Young children use their whole bodies to demonstrate their emotions. "Your child is learning valuable lessons of disappointment, consequences for her actions and how to express emotions," says O'Toole. "She's not yet equipped to process mature emotions and expresses herself in the only way she knows."