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Home › Articles › Discipline › Jealous of the Baby

Jealous of the Baby

Tips to Help Toddlers Adjust to the New Baby

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"My 3-year-old says all the time that he does not like his baby brother, who is 4 months old. This crushes me, though I know he doesn't mean it. What should I do?"

"You are right. It isn't that your older son doesn't like his baby brother personally," says Keath Castelloe Low, a child and adolescent psychologist and mother of four from North Carolina. "It is more likely that he doesn't like the changes his baby brother brings about. Things are different now at home, and your older child may be struggling to adjust."

Before his brother came around, your 3-year-old had you all to himself. "Not only is the routine at home different; now your older son is no longer the center of attention," says Low. "He must share your attention with this little baby, who certainly requires a lot!"

The most important way to help your son adjust is to spend lots and lots of one-on-one time with him. "When the baby is napping, make an extra effort to focus your attention on your 3-year-old," says Low. "One great way to do this is to read together. Try to also include some books that address the sibling issue. I'm a Big Brother (HarperCollins, 2004) by Joanna Cole and Maxie Chambliss is a wonderful book for big brothers. The book helps older siblings in defining their identity after a baby joins the family. It also addresses all the great things a big brother can do that a baby is not yet able to do, highlighting the fun parts about being older."

Low also says to enlist the toddler's help with household chores. "Have him help you put the wet clothes in the dryer," she says. "When they are dry, he can help you match socks and sort the clothes. As you clean the dishes, hand him spoons, cups, etc., to put in the dishwasher. Get the broom and dustpan out and let him hold the dustpan as you sweep crumbs into it. These are simple tasks that boost your child's feelings of importance while also reaping the joys of being together with just you."


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