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Home › Articles › Discipline › How To Behave So Your Children Will, Too

How To Behave So Your Children Will, Too

An Excerpt

By Sal Severe

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How We Learn Parenting Behavior
We learned most of our Parenting behavior from our parents. Have you ever said something to your children and then realized you heard these same words when you were a child. "Be careful or you'll break your neck." "Be quiet and eat." We parent the way we were parented. We discipline as we were disciplined. Most ideas that we learned from our parents are helpful. Some are not. We pick and choose from these methods. Things we like, we use. Things we do not like, we do not use.

How To Behave So Your Child Will, Too We also learn by watching other parents for good ideas. We learn by talking with friends. We learn from their experiences. They learn from our experiences. We share techniques that work.

We also learn by trial and error. Much of what we do with our children is based on our best guess at the time. Some things work; some fail. This happens to us all. Every first-born child is a test for most parents. You begin using trial and error the moment you get home from the hospital. I remember feeling confused and helpless. The baby is crying. What does it mean? Hungry? Lonely? Wet? Too warm? Too cold? Trial and error also applies to discipline. If sending your child to bed early works once, you will probably use it again.

The beliefs that you already have about parenting and discipline are fine. Learning from your parents and friends and learning by trial and error is normal. Add judgment and common sense and you have the substance for a solid foundation. This book will build on that foundation.

Love Does Not Always Light the Way
Too many parents have the false belief that if they love their children as much as possible, misbehavior will someday improve. Love, warmth and affection are essential. They are fundamentals. You also need knowledge. Imagine you needed an operation. As you were about to be put under the anesthetic, your physician whispers in your ear. "I want you to know that I am not a surgeon. I'm not a doctor at all. Please don't worry. My parents are both doctors. I have a lot of friends who are doctors. I've asked a lot of questions about surgery. Just relax! I have a lot of common sense and I love my patients very much." Would you let this person use a scalpel on you? Parents need training just as professionals need training. Children need trained parents as much as they need loving parents. Training pulls together all the good ideas you already have. Training provides structure and direction. Training provides a framework. Training gives you confidence. You learn that what you are doing is right. More confidence means more self-control, less anger, less guilt and less frustration. More confidence means more respect from your children. Without confidence, many parents are afraid to correct or punish their children. Some worry that their children will not like them. Some are afraid they might harm their children emotionally. So they let their children misbehave.


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