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Catch Them Being Good

Reviewing the Reward System

By Lisamarie Sanders

Although rewards may help your child with some areas of behavior, it is important to use them in moderation. "Rewards used occasionally to motivate a child are OK, but be careful not to overdo it,"Samalin says.

Although many psychologists and parenting experts agree that rewards have a place in behavior management, some experts disagree. Alfie Kohn, author of Punished by Rewards (Houghton Mifflin, 1995) is one of them. In his article "The Risks of Rewards," he states, "...the offer of rewards can elicit temporary compliance in many cases. Unfortunately, [rewards] turn out to be no more effective than [punishments] at helping children to become caring, responsible, lifelong, self-directed learners."

Jan Hunt, director of The Natural Child Project and author of The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart (New Society Press, 2001), suggests another drawback to rewards. "Extrinsic rewards take the child's attention away from intrinsic ones. The child may never understand the real reasons for doing something, and may never appreciate the inherent rewards that a task will provide."

Opponents of rewards also cite the fact that using rewards, like using punishments, is a way of controlling a child's behavior to comply with adult demands. "All methods which rely on controlling the child have a price, paid for by the child, the parent and the relationship," Hunt says. "Damage to self-esteem and self-knowledge is the highest price."

Rewards used correctly and in moderation can help lead young children in the right direction. But parents also need to discuss the intrinsic value of appropriate behaviors. Before long, you may find that "catching them being good" is no challenge at all.