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Arguing and Back-Talk
Excerpted from Perfect Parenting by Elizabeth Pantley
Get in the habit of offering your child choices, instead of issuing commands. Children who are argumentative will have less opportunity to practice the skill if you offer a choice. For example, instead of saying, "Do your homework, right now," offer a choice, such as, "What would you like to do first, your homework or the dishes?" (If the response is, "neither," you can smile sweetly and say, "That wasn't one of the choices. Homework or dishes?")
Question: My child talks back to me in such a disrespectful way it leaves me speechless. How do I put a stop to this?
Think about it:
Back-talk is addictive, so it must be handled as a serious offense. A child who talks rudely to a parent once or twice and gets away with it will continue the behavior, and it will progressively get worse. Most children will attempt back-talk at some point. When a parent responds calmly and with authority, the behavior will stop. Announce your expectations:
If a child has developed a habit of back-talk it will take firm action to stop the behavior. Have a meeting with your child to announce that back-talk will no longer be tolerated. Decide on a series of consequences that will occur each time back-talk occurs. Consequences may involve losing a privilege, such as telephone use, television watching, or visits with friends. They may be an additional chore or an earlier bedtime. Then announce the sequence in which the consequences will occur. "When you talk back in a disrespectful way you will lose your telephone privileges for the day. The second offense will cause you to lose your TV show for the night. The third will.... Each day will start with a clean slate." After the meeting, calmly and firmly follow through. Don't empower it: