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Home › Articles › Discipline › A Discipline Dilemma

A Discipline Dilemma

How to Manage Major Meltdowns

By Margaret Risk

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A parent knows her child best and can anticipate some situations that might be troublesome. "Being proactive helps," says Whipple. For example, she suggests trying to head off the tantrum by having a quick drink and snack ready for your child before expecting her to get dressed or before you make dinner.

But if you can't avoid the meltdown, the AAP recommends these general suggestions:

  • Use distraction. Interrupt the behavior by pointing out something or suggesting a new activity.
  • Gentle restraint may be necessary if the child is physically out of control, and sometimes humor can be helpful. Making a silly face or singing a song has worked for some parents.
  • Keep calm. It's hard to witness your child's anger, but if you get angry, it's likely to make things worse. If you find yourself becoming angry, leave the room, if possible. Wait a minute or two, or until the crying stops, before returning to your child.
  • If possible, stand nearby or hold your child until he calms down.
  • Ignore minor tantrums; however, some tantrums cannot be ignored. If the child hits or kicks or in any way hurts anyone, throws things or yells or cries for a prolonged period of time, firm intervention is warranted.

Should You Punish for Tantrums?
The AAP suggests removing the child from the situation. If discipline is called for, try a "time-out." Time-out is a commonly used discipline method for children this age – one minute for each year of the cild's age. A 3-year-old would receive a three-minute time-out. Designate a special spot for time-out. If the child will not stay in the spot, you may have to remain there with her.

"The most important advice I have received in training is that the child feels very out of control and is scared," says Whipple. "They need the adult to stay calm."

Afterward, if your child is 3 or 4, she has enough language skills to talk about what happened. A calm, soothing voice with a matter-of-fact attitude will go far to helping your child feel supported.

Putting the Advice Into Practice
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