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Toddlers Who Won't Listen
Tips for Developing Listening Skills and Handling Meltdowns
By Katherine Bontrager
To that point, says Dr. Joanne Baum, a social worker in private practice for more than 30 years and author of Got the Baby Where's the Manual? (Mountainside Press, 2007), you may have unwittingly taught your child that it's OK not to listen.
"You haven't overtly told your toddler to ignore you, nor have you wanted to teach your toddler that lesson, but somehow, your toddler has learned it's OK," Dr. Baum says. "You can do a number of things. I'd suggest a short talk where you apologize for teaching this lesson without meaning to and explaining that you really do need your child to listen when you're talking. I'd remind your child that you listen when he's saying something and he needs to do the same for you."
Dr. Baum suggests getting down on your toddler's level, looking him in the face and gently saying, "Johnny, I need your attention now." "Then wait for it," she says. "If your toddler starts playing with something, gently take the toy away and say, 'I understand you want to play right now and we will play very soon but first I need your attention.' Don't give in and stop what you're doing until you've gotten your toddler's attention. When you have your toddler's attention, thank your child for paying attention and tell your toddler that it feels very good to connect like this and you do need for him to listen to your voice."
Be aware of how you're communicating with your little one as well. Are you saying too much – overloading him with information? Or are you doing so much talking that he feels like he can't share what he has to say and has to act out? Dr. Baum suggests asking your toddler for input and ideas whenever possible rather than dictating all the time. "If you ask for his suggestions he'll be more interested in yours," she says.