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Toddlers Who Won't Listen
Tips for Developing Listening Skills and Handling Meltdowns
By Katherine Bontrager
Mary Talbot's son, Liam, inherited many wonderful traits from his mom, including a strong will, which is great – except it's making it tough to get this toddler to listen.
"Every child is unique and this is my challenge with Liam," says Talbot, who is from Barrington, R.I. "I have to admit that it's frustrating to me that he just doesn't do what I'm asking. I feel he should listen to me as his parent, but he has very strong opinions of his own. He likes to take his time and do things in his own personal order of priority. But there are some times when I just need him to do it my way for reasons of expedience or propriety – for example, he needs to put down the helicopter and eat breakfast on a school day or he can't stand up and imitate the Blues Brothers in the middle of the church crying room during a mass."
Talbot has resorted to giving Liam time-outs, but she admits that they don't really seem to work. "He just cries and yells out, 'I listening! I listening!'" she says.
Talbot's frustration is one that most moms understand all too well. How do you get a little person with a distinctive mind and personality to listen and, more important, do what you want?
"While toddlers can be the most lovable creatures around, they can also be quite a handful," says Dr. Sharon Fried Buchalter, a clinical psychologist, family and marriage therapist and author of Children Are People Too: Unlocking the 8 Secrets to Family Happiness (People Too Unlimited, 2006) and New Parents Are People Too (Greenleaf Book Group, 2007). "Toddlers are very energetic and often temperamental. Therefore, it's important to understand your toddler's behavior so that you can help keep control of the situation and provide a safe and loving environment. The more you understand your toddler's behavior, the more you'll be able to get him to listen to you and cooperate."
Part of the challenge is in realizing that your little one's communication and problem-solving skills are not fully developed, which is why it can be challenging to maintain control and set limits, Dr. Buchalter says. "Even though he's still learning, be sure to treat him with respect and involve him in the family discussion," she says. "Toddlers learn by interaction."