Natural Learning Rhythms
A New Parenting Philosophy
By Jenn Director Knudsen
A child next transitions to the FeelingBeing stage and remains here until roughly age 13. To Luvmour, this is one of the most critical periods and yet most neglected by parenting and teaching authorities; very little is written about kids in this phase. This is the phase, he says, where kids are on the precipice of learning social and interpersonal skills and about communities. In Optimal Parenting, he emphasizes the importance of mentoring kids ages 9 to 13. (Luvmour bridles at the term "preteen" and believes it condescending to kids this age.) Mentoring helps foster these kids' budding senses of justice, fairness, caring, concern and adventure, not to mention their deepest need: trust. "FeelingBeing children seek the company of adults, older children and, to a lesser extent, peers who feel trustworthy," Luvmour writes. "It is not what is said, but how one feels, that is known." Next up is IdealBeing, characterized by growing children's need for respect and to be treated sensitively, especially by peers. Paradoxically, teens from 13 to 17 also crave independence and new adventures and challenges. So while they're driven to have exciting, novel experiences that help define who they're becoming, their reputations are vulnerable in others' eyes. According to Luvmour's book, "under the aegis of autonomy and freedom, IdealBeing children project ideals and construct identities. This is at once an imperative and fragile process." And last, as kids hit college-age and early adulthood, they become ReasonableBeing, characterized by their recognition of comitment, equality, achievement and recognition. From ages 17 to 23, children desire interconnectedness (such as falling in love) and gain a sense of humility and the power to recognize. "The recognition of the capacity to recognize fortifies the ReasonableBeing child to engage one of the most perilous and potentially valuable investigations any human will ever undertake: finding the meaning, purpose and substantive value of oneself and one's world," Luvmour writes.Want to see more?
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