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Home › Articles › Development › Bashful Babes

Bashful Babes

Dealing with a Shy Toddler

By Alex Powell

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(Bantam, 2005). "Half of these, [or about] 10 percent of the total population, are still wary of new events and people at age 8."

All children will show some signs of shyness during the toddler years, notes Dr. Acredolo, citing stranger anxiety in 9- to 20-month-olds as an example. But children with a biological predisposition to shyness "take a lot longer to outgrow these tendencies and require more reassurance in the midst of a particular novel event," she says.

Should You Worry?
There are a few instances when shyness may warrant a talk with your child's doctor. According to Dr. Acredolo, toddler shyness becomes problematic when it results in physical illness or prolonged disruptions to daily life.

For most shy children, a cautious personality is simply part of who they are. And being shy can accompany some highly desirable characteristics, says Dr. Acredolo. Shy children are often naturally empathetic(they know what it is like to suffer and feel for others readily), talented imaginers (they can create rich inner lives while playing alone) and loyal friends (when they do make a friend, they are usually highly invested in keeping that friend). As they grow, shy kids are statistically more likely to do better in school and less likely to get caught up in crime or violence.

Helping Them Cope
Having sympathetic parents and caregivers means a lot to a shy child. "My own mother understood how painful shyness can be," says Ray. "She always encouraged and gave gentle nudges but never tried to force me to do things I balked at. I've tried to be the same with my child."

When your shy toddler shows fear, acknowledgeit, says Dr. Acredolo. "[The fear] is real to the child," she says. "Blustering that 'there's nothing to be afraid of' doesn't help." She adds a shy child needs to be able to trust his parents will be "a safe port in the storm." Never try to force your toddler to participate in anything he is truly afraid of.

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