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Comparing Toddlers
Tips on Handling Parents Who Compare Children
By Katherine Bontrager
An effective way of shifting the conversation to safer waters? "Note a positive strength in the other child or parent," says Dr. Sophy. "For example, if the conversation seems to be getting competitive or upsetting, it's easy to comment on something positive the child or parent is doing like, 'He's such a great climber' or 'You really know how to set a good limit.' Be self-aware and take notice. All children are continuously developing. Build upon the strength of that child. Always ask yourself, 'How would I want to hear this issue brought to my attention?'"
Even then, some parents won't want to discuss the intimate details of their child's growth, and understandably so. Parenting is stressful and frightening enough without feeling like you have to explain yourself and your child to acquaintances.
"Overall, parents are very proud of their children, whether it's their biological or adoptive children, so these are highly sensitive issues," says Dr. Sophy. "Always come from a positive, strength-based approach, as oftentimes parents feel more deeply than their children."
And how can you tell if you're the overly competitive parent who makes others' skin crawl? It's easy, says DeBroff. "You know you're guilty of this sort of competitive comparison if everyone moves 10 feet away from you when you begin to talk and drop out of your playgroup."
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