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Home › Articles › Development › Comparing Toddlers

Comparing Toddlers

Tips on Handling Parents Who Compare Children

By Katherine Bontrager

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DeBroff admits that it's difficult to tell if it's just new mom exuberance or competitive parenting. "But everyone needs to realize that kids equalize as they emerge from their toddler years," she says. "What seems astounding at first is equalized as children grow. It's a very false comparison."

Sharing Versus Self-aggrandizing
But what if you're the one trying to get a feel if your toddler is developing on schedule? "Ask a question based on your own child's development," suggests Dr. Charles Sophy, a Los Angeles-based child physiatrist and family practitioner. "Asking about your own child makes it less threatening to others. For example, 'My son Jon doesn't sleep much; he gets about four to six hours a night. Do you have the same experience with your child?'"

Still, Dr. Sophy says there are some discussions to avoid at all costs. "Mental delays, speech impediments and physical characteristics are probably very sensitive to the other parent," he says. "You may want to get to know the parent better as an adult before asking such sensitive questions."

Then he advises you keep the discussion light and – more important – minimize any advice you may be tempted to offer. "Be aware of yourself and the feelings of othrs as you ask these questions," Dr. Sophy says. "Make sure you're able to shift the conversation if it seems like it's becoming too sensitive."


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