It's Not Your Fault

How Parents Can Cope with Their Child's Disability

By Mindy Hudon, M.S., CCC-SLP

When a child is referred to me for a speech and language evaluation, I always face each case as if I were a detective. The entire evaluation process is like an unsolved puzzle in need of a thorough examination. I enjoy the challenge of figuring out how each piece of the puzzle fits together in order to solve the problem. It's so exciting for me to piece together the mystery that ultimately allows me to help the child. Once solved, I am eager to share my newfound knowledge with others.

As I sit with the child's parents and other professionals involved, I often feel ready to share my diagnosis. I want to shout out, "I have found out what is wrong with this child. I have the answers!" But as I sit there waiting to explode with information, I see that the parents don't always share my enthusiasm. They often seem nervous or unsure about what they may soon hear. It's at that point that I realize that my news is not so exciting, that the information I so eagerly want to share may hit these parents like a ton of bricks. The mystery of a disability that I'm close to solving is about their child.

Hearing that your child has a disability can be traumatizing. Many parents are shocked by the news. It is hard to hear out loud what you so deniably know inside: Your beautiful, loving child has a disability. Parents quickly blame themselves.

Although environmental factors can sometimes place children at risk for disabilities, it is not the only indicator of impairment. "Very often parents do feel to blame because they do not have a thorough understanding of the disability," says Melinda Smith, M.Ed., principal at Fairlawn Early Learning Center in Lincoln, R.I.

Jill McComb, mother of Ben who was diagnosed with a hearing impairment at age 5, remembers her reaction to learning about his hearing impairment. "I felt I had no knowledge of this disability," she says. "When I learned of his disability, I felt very defensive against the people who were trying to help."

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