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The Truth About Growing Apart
6 Surprising Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage
By Morrie Shechtman and Arleah Shechtman
Many people fall into the trap of believing that they must spend "X" number of hours per week talking, sharing meals or making love with their partner. But the Shechtmans insist that time spent together is no guarantee of intimacy. Real intimacy is based on the quality of communication.
If all you have is 10 minutes a day, make those 10 minutes count by sharing with your partner what's happening in your inner life – and listening with full attention when your partner shares with you – rather than engaging in "information dumps." The truth is, if each partner is living a rich, full life, you probably won't have large amounts of time to spend basking in each other's company. You'll be too busy learning and growing as a person, which in turn will strengthen your marriage.
Finally, if you've read these tips (especially the first one) with the sinking feeling that your partner isn't committed to personal growth, take heart. Shechtman says that most people intuitively choose partners with a strong core values match. It's just that this truth is lost amidst the "shoulds," marriage myths and psychological storms that are ruffling the surface of your relationship.
"It is unlikely that your partner is fulfilled working a dead-end job and watching three hours of sitcoms every night," he says. "More likely, he is allowing himself to be crippled by his familiars. Or perhaps he's just succumbing to laziness. Either way, rather than abandoning him, you can, and should, challenge him to confront his issues, grow as a person and shape a worthwhile life – not for you, but for himself. That's the kind of courage that helps marriages grow stronger rather than growing apart. That's what marriage is. That's what love is."
