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When It's Time for Consequences
Gentle Discipline Tips for Babies and Toddlers
By Shannon McKelden
With some kids, time-outs require a lot of patience. "There were days when he would be going into the time-out chair four times in a row, which made me feel like I was having a time-out, too!" Castillo says. "But my husband and I are a zero-spanking family and time-out has been very effective."
It's also important to make the consequences rise naturally from the actions. "The best consequences are those that flow directly from the action in question," McGowan says. "If a child messes up her room, being grounded from TV is an arbitrary punishment. It may work in the given situation, but it fails to teach the kind of cause-and-effect ethics that will serve the child in unfamiliar situations. A logical consequence for a messy room is requiring the child to clean the room. Over time, the child will realize that the result of creating a mess is lots of time spent cleaning it up. Over time, they will naturally modify their behavior to avoid the consequence."
Take time to match consequences with actions, and your child will more quickly pick up on things and begin to apply them to other situations.
Donna Johnson, a mom from Charlotte, N.C., finds consistency most important. "My husband and I started teaching [our children] about consequences very early," Johnson says. "It's not that hard, but it does have to be done consistently and the same way by all adults in the home. We have found that sending mixed or inconsistent messages works against us."
Johnson has found, too, that reward is as important as discipline. "It boils down to withholding things that they like when their behavior needs to be changed, and giving them more of the things they like when their behavior deserves to be rewarded," she says.
