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When It's Time for Consequences
Gentle Discipline Tips for Babies and Toddlers
By Shannon McKelden
There comes a time in every child's life when they do know they aren't supposed to touch something sharp or to run into the street or hit. Now they need to be taught that their actions aren't acceptable. But how?
"For little ones, repeating one rule over and over, but very kindly and patiently, works well," says Dr. Virginia Bentz, mother of two and author of Quick Guide to Good Kids (Frederick Fell Publishers, October 2007). "If the child does not respond, take him out of the situation for the time being. Once this happens on several occasions, he will begin to get the message. Being removed is very dramatic and something he cannot miss, yet involves positive actions from you, not criticisms or scolding."
This works well in situations where toddlers are, for example, screaming for a toy in a store. Removing them from the situation (without the toy they wanted), teaches them that inappropriate behavior makes them lose more than the just the toy – they also lose the fun of the outing.
Lana Taylor Figgs, a Westover, Md., mother of three, used this form of discipline. "I remove them from their disobedient situation and refocus their attention on things that aren't off limits to them (after warning them 'that's a no, no ... you don't do/can't play with this...')," she says. "I'd probably do this a few times, with a 12- to 18-month-old before using a time-out."
When teaching babies and toddlers about danger, removing them from the situation is always best. "For example, it's important to teach her that she must not run into the street," Dr. Bentz says. "If she will not observe this rule, and you have to chase her down repeatedly, you should take her back into the house, explaining simply that 'If you run into the street, you can't stay outside.' If she cries, too bad. You can hug her and say, 'I love you and that's why I can't let you get hurt.' She won't understand these words, but she will understand the loving tone and care."
