When It's Time for Consequences

Gentle Discipline Tips for Babies and Toddlers

By Shannon McKelden

At some point in their lives, children need to learn certain behaviors aren't acceptable – and some are downright unsafe. This means they must learn consequences.

Why do kids need to learn consequences anyway? Wouldn't we all just be happier with the conflict?

"It has been noted that life doesn't give punishments, it gives consequences," says parenting author and educator Dale McGowan. "A discipline plan based on logical consequences instead of punishment helps a child develop moral reasoning – an understanding of the next logical step that results from making a choice. Children without a consequence-based understanding of their own actions are less able to think for themselves in new situations, those not covered by 'the rules' they have learned."

While very young children can't fully understand actions and consequences until around age 4, they begin learning them subconsciously much sooner. "Children begin to learn about consequences from the moment they are born – and probably even earlier," says McGowan, a father of three and author of Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion (Amacom Books, 2007). "When I cry, Mom comes. When I hit my hand on the crib rail, it hurts. The most effective early discipline builds on this growing understanding of the natural consequences of our actions."

McGowan believes you can begin building a child's sense of action and consequence even before they are old enough to accept responsibility for their actions. "If a toy is dropped from the crib, allow it to stay on the floor for a minute or two," McGowan says. "If the toddler intentionally spills his juice, wait to refill it for 10 minutes. Allowing children to experience the effects of their own causes can help them form the foundation for a consequence-based discipline plan in later years."

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