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Tiny School-time Helpers
Making Toddlers Part of the Back-to-school Team
By Amy Henry
It's a major moment in a family's life when the first child heads out to the big wide world of school. He or she gets star status, as well as a new lunchbox. But what about the little one left behind, your toddler?
Jealousy is one emotion a toddler may experience when an older sibling starts school. "There's a little bit of envy when they see that yellow school bus come by and they realize there's something else out there," says Judi Newcomb, a kindergarten teacher from Amherst, Mass.
A toddler may feel lonely, too, especially if she's not in daycare or preschool. To combat the younger child's sense of being left behind, Sharon Morrissey, a West Caldwell, N.J., mother of five, makes sure her older kids aren't overbooked after school. "I limit after school activities to two things a week, and let them be together most afternoons," she says. "My kids love unstructured time together." Morrissey also makes sure play date friends include the little ones – or they don't get invited back.
Of course, it's not all doom and gloom for a toddler when older siblings take flight. "There is an advantage to getting all of Mom's attention," says Dr. Peter Goldenthal, a Philadelphia family psychologist and author of Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How to Help Your Child Become Cooperative, Caring and Compassionate (Holt Paperbacks, 2000). "Toddlers aren't used to that and they enjoy it." If you find your toddler is at loose ends, needing more companionship than you can provide during the school day, Dr. Goldenthal suggests joining or starting a play group.
One way to ease the transition for your little one is to include him or her in the daily rituals of the school child. "Have your toddler stand at the coat rack – in our house, it's a rocking chair – and hand the school kids their coats as they head out the door," says Liz Moore, a New Jersey mother of three boys. She believes that giving the younger child some sort of responsibility makes him or her feel like a contributing member of the team. "Let toddlers put kid-safe plates on the dining room table for breakfast, or hand the older kids their lunchboxes," Moore says.
