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Pick Me Up!
Deciphering the Reasons Behind a Toddler or Preschooler's "Uppy" Requests
By Katherine Bontrager
It's hard all around when your little one wants to be held but is getting too big to constantly be carried – your back, heart and your child's feelings all ache.
Margarita Miranda-Abate's son, Logan, loves to be carried – his constant request is "Carry Mommy?" But now that Logan is 3, he's getting heavier.
"At first, I would just say no and explain that he's a big boy and that his feet work quite well," says the Westfield, N.J., mom. "I also tried to have him show me how well they work by walking funny or showing me how well he runs."
But then Miranda-Abate took a step back to figure out why Logan so often wanted to be carried and realized he made the request under certain circumstances: during drop-off at daycare, after a time-out or inevitable 3-year-old meltdown and when he realized he'd done something that wasn't nice.
"In short, he wanted to be carried when he needed reassurance the most," she says. "I realized I needed to change how I dealt with him during these moments."
For Miranda-Abate, that meant a calm voice when Logan did something that needed to be corrected, extra hugs or a few extra minutes at day care in the morning, along with some reassuring words, and being more patient and explaining why he needed to take a time-out to calm down.
"Logan's 'carry' was a way of ensuring that he has his parents' support and reassurance of love," Miranda-Abate says. "I love it when I learn things from my son, and I realized that kids needs lots of love during these formative years even – and especially – when we're being a tough parent. So while 'carry' is still part of his vocabulary, the situation is a lot better – and so is our relationship. And Logan's better at showing me how well his feet work."
