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The Effects of Divorce on Toddlers
Tips for Making the Transition Easier on Small Children
By Emily Mendell
Dr. Greenberg recommends that if a toddler is having trouble with overnight visits, parents should work toward the stay gradually, by first scheduling daytime visits and then incorporating a naptime into the daytime visit so the child has the experience of going to sleep and waking up in that parent's home. Once the child seems comfortable with this routine, it makes more sense to try overnight visits.
No matter how well the parents communicate and reassure the toddler, changes in the child's behavior should be expected. Because many toddlers can't effectively express themselves verbally, their feelings are often manifested in their actions. Some toddlers may show more aggressive conduct and act out; others may regress to more baby-like behavior. These reactions are ways of showing anxiety, anger and/or fear. It is critical for parents to respond to these behaviors appropriately.
"Do not punish regressive behavior; instead, understand it as an expression of stress and know that these behaviors are usually temporary responses," Dr. Greenberg says. "Parents should continue to set appropriate limits consistently as that will provide a structure for toddlers that enhances their sense of comfort and security. They know what they can count on, even as so many other things around them are changing."
Carla finds herself scrutinizing her boys' behavior with one another and asking herself if their rough play is simply normal for their age or if it is a sig of stress for them. Dr. Greenberg recommends looking at the bigger picture.
