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Toddlers Testing Limits
How to Minimize Conflicts and Maximize Cooperation
By Amy Henry
When a toddler refuses everything, a parent can cut to the chase by selecting two suitable options and giving the toddler a choice.
Life goes easier when there are fewer issues to wrangle over. To minimize "no" and maximize "yes," try these tips:
1. Cut rules down to a few safety and social basics. Hitting another child is a "no," but does it matter if she wears a raincoat when the sun is shining?
2. Give fair warning. Toddlers don't handle transitions well, so give your child a five-minute warning and a two-minute reminder when the time to clean up or leave the playground is drawing near.
3. Create safe exploration areas at home. Kingsley reserves a section of her open-plan kitchen/living room for cubbies of books, puzzles, games, crayons and toys. "Sam knows where he can get things," she says. "There are three cabinets he can go into, so he leaves the rest alone."
4. Allow time, when possible, for your toddler to "do it myself." Putting on her own shoes may take forever at first, but soon she'll gain speed – and confidence.
5. Cultivate a partnership with your toddler. This doesn't mean giving in to her will every time, but listening to and acknowledging her feelings, recognizing that you each have goals. "Negotiating serves us well," Nelson says. She frequently offers her son something he wants in exchange for what she wants.
No amount of organization, redirection or substitution will prevent all conflicts with your toddler. Disagreement, even anger, is a fact of life. The critical piece is that your toddler knows whatever your differences, she has your unconditional love.
