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Waving to the School Bus
Helping Your Toddler Adjust When Older Siblings Go off to School
By Keath Castelloe Low
Going off to school for the first time is a major step in a child's development, but what about the younger sibling who is left home alone? What feelings might a toddler experience when her older brother or sister begins school?
Tracy Hardin, a mother of three from Elizabethtown, N.C., says that her 2-year-old-daughter, Heather, was "bummed out" when her older sisters began school. "She would cry in the beginning, but it didn't last very long," Hardin says. "I guess she felt like everyone was leaving her." When her older sisters would come home from school, Heather was waiting at the door for them most afternoons ready to play.
Linda Sonna, child psychologist and best-selling parenting author of The Parent's Guide to Raising Siblings (Adams, 2006) and The Everything Toddler Book (Adams, 2002), explains that these feelings are perfectly normal. "Toddlers are apt to miss their sibling," she says. "This is actually a good thing, as it means that the toddler is bonded."
Sonna also notes that even if the siblings did not get along well, the change in household routines when an older sibling begins school can upset little ones. She reminds parents not to be surprised by increased crankiness in their toddler.
Christine Goodbody, mother of two from Falmouth, Maine, admits that her daughter, Hannah, did not seem to go through any period of adjustment when her older brother went off to school. "I think she was excited to have me all to herself at home," Goodbody says. "She liked the extra attention and enjoyed our one-on-one time together."
Nancy Samalin, an internationally known keynote speaker on parenting issues and best-selling author of several parenting books including Loving Each One Best: A Caring and Practical Approach to Raising Siblings (Bantam, 1997), notes that toddlers may experience feelings of ambivalence related to the separation. Samalin, who has worked with families for more than two decades, finds that each combination of siblings is very different.
