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Toddler Meltdowns in Public
Why Are Some Toddlers Angels at Home and Terrors While Out?
By Amy Henry
Toddlers are so sweet, truly – until they're not. Unfortunately, like many celebrities in the news, their less attractive behavior tends to erupt in the most public places: the supermarket, the mall, a really nice restaurant. And there you stand, under the frowning gazes of strangers, as your little one acts up or melts down.
"Children may be little, but their emotions are big," says Lawrence J. Cohen, a psychologist specializing in children's play and play therapy and author of Playful Parenting (Ballantine Books, 2002).
The trouble is, toddlers lack the language to express their big feelings. "When my [toddler] son had a breakdown about something he wanted, I would say 'Use your words,' but he couldn't," says Marlyse Baptista, a linguistics professor from Atlanta, and mother of two small boys.
"Toddlers' brains are primitive relative to ours," says Dr. Harvey Karp, a noted pediatrician whose latest book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block (Bantam, 2005), has received kudos from the American Academy of Pediatrics. Adults are left-brain dominant, he says. That's the speaking, reasoning part of the brain, which doesn't develop in toddlers until the second or third year. Toddlers are right-brain dominant. They run on intuition and are ruled by impulse.
"We need to see toddlers for what they are: little uncivilized, primitive beings," Dr. Karp says.
Public outings of more than 20 to 30 minutes test even the mellowest toddler's patience. "No toddler was ever meant to live in a restricted environment," Dr. Karp says. "We drag them from place to place, and force them to live in our world."
Add the discomfort of a hungry tummy, a wet diaper, a missed nap and you've got the ingredients for a major meltdown. Fortunately, with a little planning – and a lot of empathy – you can usually avert disaster.
