Getting to "I Did It!"

Encouraging Toddlers to Be Independent

By Shannon McKelden

Teaching toddlers to be independent is an important part of the growing-up process. With each new task learned and mastered (or at least improved upon), confidence grows.

"Toddlers get a lot out of being given the opportunity to do things independently," says Kevin Osborn, father of four and author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Bringing up Baby (Alpha Books, 2007). "Doing something all by himself will probably surprise him the first few times while at the same time filling him with joy and delight."

"Success (no matter how many times it was preceded by failure) in doing something he wanted to do will boost the toddler's self-confidence making him more willing to take on new challenges tomorrow," Osborn says.

Nancy Cavanaugh, mother of one and former nanny, agrees. "Kids need to have the freedom to explore and be allowed to do things as they're ready for them," says Cavanaugh, of Keene, N.H. "Far too many people do not know how to even do basic things for themselves and it is because they were never taught them as a child."

Opportunities to learn begin at birth and should be offered consistently. Simple tasks, like eating with utensils and undressing, are early skills toddlers can learn, usually by around 13 months of age, according to Dr. Elizabeth O'Connell, a pediatrician practicing in Newport Beach, Calif. "Most toddlers will begin to do these things on their own, given the time and opportunity," she says. "Undressing can take a while when they are first learning, and learning to feed yourself using utensils is always messy (but fun!)."

Sometimes it's easier (and faster) to complete a task ourselves. But it's best to allow extra time for them to do it themselves and to let them express their creativity along with independence.

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