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The Hurting Child
Managing the Aftermath of Adoption By Sue Marquette Poremba
Children from the United States who are adopted after infancy are usually in foster care, where they first experience the trauma of being separated from their birth family, often land in multiple placements and may suffer from neglect or abuse, according to Kala Lilani of Wynnewood, Pa., a representative from Adoptions from the Heart. International adoptions, she says, often involve children who were institutionalized and also experienced neglect. Again, because these children are pre-verbal, they cannot tell what happened to them.
Margaret Schwartz from Falls Church, Va., adopted two children, 19 months and nearly 3 years old, from the Ukraine in December of 2003. Her sons would head bang, a gesture that is common among children who were institutionalized.
"From what I understand, children do this often at the orphanage,"says Schwartz, who is also the author of The Pumpkin Patch: A Single Woman's International Adoption Journey (Chicago Spetrum Press, 2005). "I believe this is done as a way to vent frustration since they lack the verbal skills to communicate. My sons both banged their head on the floor, rather hard, whenever they were upset or angry."
Hemenway's daughter has an intense fear of bath tubs. "I don't know what happened, but she is terrified of the tub," she says. She also says her daughter, like many children, is often afraid to go to sleep. "My daughter never slept more than a few hours, and when she did sleep it wasn't a deep sleep," she says."Kids who are institutionalized are hyper-vigilant."
Other signs of trauma or emotional problems include the following:
- Hoarding food or other items
- Age-inappropriate or excessive sexual behavior
- Withdrawal from touch
- Toilet accidents eyond the usual age
