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Home › Articles › Special Needs › Siblings Are Special, Too

Siblings Are Special, Too

Nurturing Each Child in a
Special Needs Household

By Shannon McKelden

Pages:  1  2  3  

Sibling Relationships
Banki's two typical children react in very different ways to Caspian's disability. Damian and Caspian, who are only three years apart in age, grew up almost like twins. Atesha, who is eight years younger than Caspian, has less tolerance for his differences.

"But she is very aware of autism," Banki says. "She calls it 'optism' and we talk about it frequently. It means everything to me that my children are friends. Of course they still fight, but they are family."

Dr. Barkin recommends that parents encourage the development of a relationship between siblings, accepting that each child has limitations but encouraging their potential.

"Relationships between siblings, with or without the presence of a disability, develop in encouraging, nurturing environments," Dr. Barkin says. "These relationships require love, commitment, respect, patience, communication and universally are not always easy."

One thing all these moms strive to remember is that their typical children have feelings that must be allowed to be expressed. Programs such as Sibshops, which has workshops in the United States and internationally, acknowledge that being the brother or sister of a special needs kid can be difficult. Sometimes siblings feel good; sometimes they feel bad. And a lot of the time they feel somewhere in between.

"Brothers and sisters of special needs kids express the entire spectrum of feelings about the sibling with a disability," Dr. Barkin says.

"Margaux asks why her sister has autism," Daniel says. "I tell Margaux it's OK to feel upset about it but help her to see the bigger picture."

Boyle's family also tries to strike a balance. "Nicholas has his moments as well, when he struggles to understand why his brother is different when other brothers aren't," she says. "We try to point out that Matthew is our responsibility that God gave us him because he knew we would be the best family for him and that smoothes out some of the rougher moments."

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