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Home › Articles › Discipline and Communication › Grief and Toddlers

Grief and Toddlers

Can They Understand Loss?

By Kelly Burgess

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"Sometimes their grief looks really different than characteristics of grief we associate with adults because kids live in the moment," says Kelly. "Children also grieve cyclically. When we have a loss it seems to saturate us, but children weave in and out of their grief. They may be laughing one minute and crying inconsolably the next. That's perfectly normal."

One thing that Kelly and Vorsheck both think is an important part of the grieving process is to not be afraid to grieve in front of your children. While continuous hysteria may not be appropriate and may be scary, don't be afraid to cry in front of a child and to explain that you're crying because your loved one died and you're sad. Invite them to cry with you if they would like.

Getting Support
Most communities have places like the Center for Grieving Children or the Caring Place, and these organizations, with their specialized focus, can be a great help for grieving parents and children. Kelly says that's because, especially with younger children, everyone in the family is usually in a different place in their grief. They can come in as a unit but get individualized support.

Vorshecksaysgetting community supportcan be cathartic for children because she knows that children sometimes try to act as if they're not sad in front of their parents because they don't want to upset them further. The peer group aspect allows children to grieve freely while showing them that they're not alone.

In addition, when a child loses one parent, the surviving parent shouldn't be afraid to ask for help from family, friends, neighbors, a school guidance counselor or their church. Not only can these sources help with the day-to-day challenges of single parenthood, but they can help keep the memory of the deceased parent alive for the child.

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