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Home › Articles › Dealing with Divorce › Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parental Alienation Syndrome

When Children Get Caught in the Middle

By Kelly Burgess

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Complicating the situation are those rare instances where one parent truly is a bad person and does want to hurt the child and the parent accused of being alienating is just trying to protect the child.

Recognizing PAS

So what's a parent to do? Opperman says you can watch for signs that your spouse has the potential to alienate. Look for things like the spouse having little secrets with the child or telling the child things about the parental relationship that are inappropriate. It may be worth holding off on divorce or separation and getting counseling to work out child relationship issues before going ahead with ending the marriage.

Bone says a parent who thinks he or she is being alienated should find out as much as possible about parental alienation and PAS so that they react appropriately and don't make matters worse with the child. He is also more optimistic that action can be taken through the courts than Opperman is, but it's important not to blame the child for actions over which he or she has no control.

Opperman, like all alienated parents, can't do much but hope for the day when his son realizes that his father loved him all along and chooses to resume their relationship.

A Happy Ending

One happy ending came for Lisa Bingham of Highland, Calif., whose parents divorced when she was 3. In the course of a nasty custody battle her mother constantly told her terrible things about her father until Bingham came to hate him and refused to see him.

Then, when she was 21 years old, she contacted her father and they had a heart-to-heart talk. That's when she realized that her father had been unfairly pushed out of her life. They're still playing catch up for the years they missed, but Bingham thinks it's important that other young adults hear her story and give their estranged parent a chance to tell their side of the story.


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