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Home › Articles › Your Toddlers › Single and Social

Single and Social

Navigating the Dating Trail
With Little Ones

By Lisa A. Goldstein

Pages:  1  2  3  4  

If There's a Breakup
Rodrigues, who has met every person her mom has dated during the past 26 years, is now dealing with her mom's latest breakup. He was her favorite guy by far, and Rodrigues says it doesn't always get easier with age. She remembers disliking her mom spending so much time with her dates, and "dumping" Rodrigues with her grandparents. When they weren't out, the boyfriend was at the house, taking more time away from Rodrigues. She says if her mom had only introduced her to long-term dates, "I wouldn't have been so hesitant to take the people my mom was dating seriously."

If the child does get hurt despite your best efforts, Dr. Carle prefers an honest approach, with a truthful explanation that Mom and the boyfriend don't like the same things as they used to. Mom will continue to do her favorite things but with other friends now, and he will find his other friends with whom to do his favorite things. "Play it down," she says. "Don't show your child that you're too broken up about it."

Readying for the Final Step
Rodrigues' dating steps have been adopted into her current situation. For six months, she has been dating her first love/highschool sweetheart. Even though she knows everythin about him and has known for a long time how much she loves and wants to be with him, he has yet to meet her daughter. It's working out great because each of the people she loves gets "their time" with her – such as when her daughter is with her father – and she doesn't have to worry about pleasing two people at once.

Now that Rodrigues' boyfriend has met all the critria, however, she has finally instituted a time frame for the big meeting. If all goes smoothly, it will happen in about three months. "My motto in this situation is 'slow and steady wins the race,'" says Rodrigues. "I'm not going anywhere. He's not going anywhere, and neither is she. Easing everyone into this shows the people I love (him and her) that I truly do care about each of their feelings, and all I can do is keep my fingers crossed that this tactic pays off in the end."


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