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Home › Articles › Discipline › Ps and Qs

Ps and Qs

Teaching Toddlers Good Manners

By Lisa A. Goldstein

Pages:  1  2  3  4  

(Baker Publishing Group, 2005).

Please and Thank You
The most obvious signs of good behavior are saying "please" and "thank you." Jones says you should begin to teach your child how to say these words as soon as he begins to speak. She uses the example of an 18-month-old pointing to a banana on the kitchen counter and grunting in desire. You can help him learn polite behavior by saying something like, "Would you like the banana? Say 'banana, please,'" as you give your child the banana, and also repeat the words "thank you."

"Of course at 12 to 18 months, your child probably won't be able to say 'please' or 'thank you,' but he will begin to comprehend that his desires and [these words] go hand-in-hand," says Jones.

The payoff is that by the time your child is 3, these words should be part of his everyday vocabulary. It's important to remember to not reward your child by giving him his desires before he asks with a polite "please," says Jones.

Following Simple Instructions
Another hallmark of good manners is the ability to follow simple instructions. As Jones says, this will prepare your child to be respectful and could also save his life. This includes knowing that no means no. If you give in, you're teaching them that crying and whining is the way to get what they want, says Leonard. The goal is tohave a child that listens the first time. Leonard recommends getting down to their level as soon as they can walk, looking them in the eyes and firmly saying "no" when they misbehave.

If your child regresses, it's usually due to lack of consistency. Leonard says to make a concerted effort to focus on the issue for a few days. For example, if Dori Roth of Phoenix, Ariz., needs to remind her daughter to be polite, she asks, "More milk, what?" If she forgets, Roth asks her, "What do you think you should say now?" Each and every time your child asks for something, reiterate what he should say and don't allow the request until the child obliges, says Leonard. After two or three days, your child won't need to be reminded.

Responsible Behavior
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