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Home › Articles › Multiples › Double Trouble

Double Trouble

Twins and the Terrible Twos

By Tamar K. Weiss

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"I wonder if [the twins] time those precise moments in which I am stuck having to decide whether to run after the one heading for the parking lot or the one eight rungs up a ladder in the park," says Shlomit Ben-Michael, mother of 2-year-old boys.

twins For the parents of singleton toddlers, this may sound like a veritable nightmare, but parents of twin toddlers are all too familiar with this scenario. The terrible twos earned that moniker for a reason. But perhaps we are looking at this stage the wrong way. With proper understanding of what children are actually experiencing and struggling to tell their parents and the world around them by exhibiting such behavior, the terrible twos can be terrific, even for parents of twins.

What's Behind the Behavior?
"If we use a negative expression, we will approach (the toddlers) with a negative expectation," says Dr. Vicki Folds, early childhood expert and vice president of education for Tutor Time Learning Systems Inc. These 2-year-olds are gaining both independence and new intellectual and physical abilities so quickly that "parents are often caught off guard."

"Outward out-of-bounds behaviors are the result of all the activity of emerging abilities going on in their bodies," says Folds. This age group generally becomes frustrated due to lack of free speech or their inability to accomplish whatever task they are working on. As a result, well-meaning parents may hurry the task along or even complete it, causing the toddler to become more frustrated and agitated.

So what are the parents of these emerging independent individuals meant to do in these situations? "Chill, take a deep breath and allow the 2-year-olds to become independent learners," says Folds. "If a child is not hurting himself or others, let the tantrum run its course." The process of learning self-control is beginning, and the goal is for the child to eventually be able to "modify his or her behaviors within the social norms and have a great sense of self."

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