At a Slower Pace

Developmental Delay or Developing Personality?

Comparing your toddler to how your older kids acted at that age is a natural reaction for any parent. But Phyllis Ring of Exeter, N.H. still had an open mind when it came to her second child.

"Our son, Tobey, second of our two children, had an older sister who was a strong first child and explorer who did everything early, even with the physical disability of a birth defect (bilateral clubfoot, later corrected by surgery)," she says. "So by birth order and gender, Tobey was already predisposed to doing things at a slower pace developmentally, but it caused some concern when his vocabulary by age 2 remained minimal."

Ring was confused by Tobey's apparent delay because "he was up to speed in all other areas he actually showed signs of gifted tendencies in mechanical, fine-motor and artistic skills. He assembled puzzles advanced for his age, demonstrated an acrobat's balance and coordination and executed drawings that showed early glimmerings of an innate artist. But his few words remained: 'Ma, Da, Va' (first two letters of sister's name) and, of course, the obligatory toddler's 'no.'"

Ring describes her son as "an otherwise happy, active child" but it was obvious that he had very little to say.

"Then one summer day at a family gathering at his grandparents' house, something happened that reminded me how individual children's development is and how keyed to their particular personality and character," says Ring.

"His grandmother had put out some Fig Newtons, and suddenly, amidst all the buzz of activity, she called our attention to Tobey, who'd managed to climb onto a picnic table. Standing there above the crowd, he waved his cookie in the air and as loudly as he could above my boisterous family, who all tend to talk at once, was saying, 'Nwton.' I don't think there was a single vowel in this word, just the consonants blended together, but this small man of few words was doing his best to inform us about it."

Ring says her son's seemingly uninterested attitude about speech was really just one of the first signs of his personality and the way he learned. "This has been his style ever since (he is now 19) take information in and then, when ready, just start to use the skill he's been quietly observing," she says. "He has used this method to master three musical instruments, cook (quite impressively), gain the math skills that earned him 800s on his SATs and learn to take a car engine apart and repair it."

Want to see more?

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• Take Your Toddler on a Talking Adventure!
• Comparing Our Children and Why We Shouldn't
• Special Kids Today
• Talk about it!