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Nickname Know-how

Can a Pet Name Affect Your Child's Self-esteem?

By Liz Thompson

Nicknames are different than pet names. Pet names are what we call our children when their friends aren't around, such as "pumpkin," "little toot" or "honey bun." We'd never call them those names at school, but at home we use these names to show our love. Many of us start using pet names with our children when they are babies and don't realize that these names often stick.

With both nicknames and pet names, the true problem is whether the name hurts a child's self-esteem. If you call your baby "Rolly Polly" thinking it's cute, what sort of message are you sending him? Also, what happens if this name is picked up by older siblings or neighborhood children and used to taunt your child later in life?

Even while your child is a baby, you need to make certain that any nickname you give him is positive and makes him feel good about himself. "In my opinion, nicknames can either enhance or hurt a child's self-esteem," says Annette Nolte, a licensed professional counselor and professor of psychology and sociology at Tarrant County College in Fort Worth, Texas. "Parents have to be careful that the nickname is not such a name that will demean a child even if it sounds like a cute name. We all know children can be mean to each other and can be the worst at hurting other children's positive self-esteem."

So what do you do if your child ends up with an embarrassing nickname given to her by other children, perhaps at daycare or school? Schools work to prevent this sort of taunting, so you should report it to the teacher.

"We usually discourage nicknames that children give to each other because most are negative and/or 'put-down's,'" says Margo Clark, school counselor for the Carroll Independent School District in Southlake, Texas. "Often, nicknames are a form of teasing, which is unacceptable. Calling a person by his or her name shows respect because names are special."

People of all ages like to hear their names because they like to be remembered. Keep in mind that your baby is learning to respond to her name and you want to reinforce that, so use nicknames and pet names with care. To help, here are some commonsense rules of thumb to follow:

• Use positive nicknames and pet names that reinforce your child's self-esteem. Never use a name that belittles your child, even if you're only teasing. Your child looks up to you and believes what you say. Don't leave your child with negative feelings about herself.
• Use pet names only at home and never around your child's friends. No child appreciates being embarrassed in front of his peers. This can be difficult, especially if you use pet names to show love. Keep in mind that your child may think it's cute when you call him "honey bear" at home, but he won't like it when you say the nickname in front of other children.
• Stand up for your child once she reaches school age if she's been given a negative nickname. Explain what's happening to the teachers and get them involved in ending the situation.

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