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Holding On by a Safety Pin:When Mom is not Ready to Potty Train
By Carma Haley
Often times a child remains in diapers not because he or she is not ready to be potty trained, but because Mom isn't. Wearing a diaper is symbolic of being a "baby" and sometimes Mom doesn't want to or isn't ready to give up her "baby." It may be an emotional or trying time for Mom, full of feelings of loss. But what effects does holding a child back from potty training have on the child?
Potty training is just another natural development that children encounter along their path of growing. Except for a medical condition, no one attends his own wedding wearing diapers -- every person becomes potty trained eventually. Dr. Gail Gross, host of the radio show "Let's Talk," says, "In times past, when things didn't have to be so structured, parents would allow their children to go without diapers and allow the child to be natural and to learn naturally because that's what [potty training] is -- a natural process."
There are various reasons why parents may hesitate with potty training. It may be they have only had children of one sex and this child is the other. Perhaps the child doesn't appear or exhibit "ready" behaviors. In addition, many parents may feel they do not know how to potty train a child so they avoid the task all together. "The easiest way to potty train a child is the natural way," says Gross. "A child left to his own devices will begin to imitate his parents. It's called social modeling. Modeling is when a child is in a transition of giving up one thing that feels good to them, or is secure, for another thing that offers the same feelings. So if parents make it worth while to give up the security of the diaper, the process is much smoother. The idea of social modeling is that children will imitate their parents, especially parents who offer positive reinforcement. The key is not to give the negative reinforcement, no stern looks, no yelling or getting upset. A young child can sense negativity even if it is not verbalized."
