When Motherhood Takes on New Meaning

Parenting a Child With a Disability

By iParenting Staff

Some children are easy to parent. They rarely get ill, breeze through their milestones precisely on schedule and are photogenic to boot. The technical term for these kids is "other people's children." Unfortunately, however, a second group of "someone else's children" exists: children with disabilities. But amazingly, it is often when confronted with such a child that a mother really has the chance to shine. iParenting.com salutes the mothers for whom parenting provides special challenges day after day.

When her son was 5 months old, Joan Esherick, 39, a speaker and freelance writer in Telford, Penn., began to suspect that something might be wrong. At 11 months of age, he was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. "I was honestly relieved to have a diagnosis, after six months of fearful wondering, and immediately moved into that 'clinical' mode of researching and doing all we could to help him," says Esherick.

After her immediate "clinical" response, Esherick "moved into a period of grief over the loss of many dreams for our firstborn," she says. "I've learned that the grief that goes with parenting a disabled child is a chronic grief; it isn't a once and done process, but rather a repeated cycle, particularly with the advent of another missed milestone."

"Parents of a child with a disability often experience shock, guilt and feelings of 'loss,' because they were expecting a 'normal' child," says Wayne Fisher, executive director of the Marcus Behavior Center at the Marcus Institute in Atlanta. "It is important to identify and recognize the child's strengths and potential, as well as his limitations. Over time, most parents learn to cherish their child's accomplishments, even if those accomplishments are smaller and occur less frequently than for the child's peers."

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