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Painful Parting
Separation Teaches Important Lessons 
Nearly every baby and toddler goes through some sort of separation anxiety for a short time. This is especially common for toddlers going into a preschool setting.
Julie Keywell of Highland Park, Ill. is learning ways to help her 3-year-old son (and herself) get through the pain of separation when she drops him off at preschool. Although he enjoys the preschool, he has a tough time saying goodbye.
"It depends on the day," says Keywell. "He'll say, 'I'm gonna' cry when you go.'"
Keywell turned to the preschool professionals and her own close friends for ideas and support. "One of the teachers told me I just have to leave," she says. "The longer you hum and haw, the worse it is. It's much better to just say your goodbyes, tell him you love him and go."
But it isn't as easy as it sounds. "I go outside, and I go around the corner, and I stand there to wait until he stops crying," she says. "Sometimes it's quick, and he gets involved with other things, and sometimes it's not ... and you know what? He's not the only kid. One of the kids I thought was one of the best adjusted was having huge issues, so it's not like he's the only one."
Keywell called the preschool's staff social worker for some help. The advice she received from both the social worker and her friends was helpful in getting Keywell and her son moving in the right direction.
One of the ideas she is using is to allow her son to bring a transitional object from home. "Yesterday he brought a Beanie Baby kangaroo, and one time he brought an airplane," she says. "He brings them every single time, but I was making him leave them in the car because I didn't want him to lose them." Then she realized, "Who cares if he loses the airplane? We'll buy another airplane. It's supposed to make him feel like he's taking a piece of home with him."
