Why Do Toddlers Bites?

When Children Terrorize
With Their Teeth

By Laura Paul

June Cook, a mother of two boys, did not have a problem with her older son, Adam, 4, using his teeth as a natural weapon. However, Cook, of Tampa, Fla., had her hands full with her youngest son, Eric, 2, who often chose his brother as a prime victim.

Most toddlers bite when they are teething. Experts say parents need to be diligent to teach their toddler appropriate behavior before he turns into a social biter.

"Eric was more of a biter when he was teething," Cook says. "When he was about to cut a tooth, he would be more inclined to bite. Also, when he was learning to talk, out of frustration that he could not express himself with words to tell me 'That boy took my toy,' he would go over and bite him."

Cook is relieved her toddler outgrew biting. "Most of the time, I'd get right in his face and say, 'No biting,'" she says. "Sometimes I'd tap him on the mouth. A couple of times he bit me hard enough to break my skin. I showed him he hurt Mommy. Also, time-outs were pretty effective."

Cook attends playgroups with a support group called Mothers and More. "In our group, we pretty much all understand kids go through these phases," she says. "Unless there is an excessive problem, if it's the occasional bite or push, we understand. We keep an eye on our kids. When we see something happen, we address it right away."

Experts say it is important for parents of toddlers to shadow their biting toddlers, always staying within arm's reach.

Karen Deerwester, a parent educator and early childhood specialist in Parkland, Fla., says one of the biggest mistakes parents make when it comes to dealing with a biter is forcing the child to apologize. "Parents should not insist that their toddler say he is sorry because he is not and he does not feel that," she says. "But parents can teach the child about empathy and feeling sorry by the parent going to the other parent and saying, 'I'm really sorry.'"

At the same time, parents should not be dismissive about the event. "Even if the mother is a third-time mother and says, 'Toddlers will bite,' she needs to really pretend in terms of parenting etiquette," Deerwester says. "The parent of the biter has to show their remorse even though they should not insist that the child say it."

Deerwester, who is the founder of Family Time, Inc., suggests parents closely observe children between the ages of 12 to 18 months if they are biting their parents out of frustration. "A lot of times parents might say the toddler bites me or my husband and it doesn't hurt and it's OK, but you want to eliminate that from his behavioral repertoire before he moves into that 18- to 24-month age range," she says.

Parents often perpetuate the problem by making a big deal about the biter. A parent's No. 1 goal should be to intervene before the biting occurs. "Once the child starts biting, the action alone reinforces itself, because it feels really good to have your teeth in flesh," Deerwester says. "And chances are you got a really dynamic reaction from other children and you get a really theatrical reaction from adults."

Want to see more?

• The Do's and Don'ts of Discipline
• Should Toddlers Be Spanked?
• Do Time-outs Work for Toddlers?
• Talk about it!