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I'm a Big Sister Now

Helping Your Toddler Adjust to the New Baby

By Jessica Williams

Also, let your toddler come visit you and the baby whenever he needs to. If he asks you to come play or do something that isn't feasible at that time, explain to him why you can't, and then offer to do something else (like read a book or watch a video with him). For those times when you really need your rest, be sure to get it. Your toddler (and your baby) won't benefit from an exhausted mommy.

The days and weeks following your newborn's homecoming may be a bit trying. You have a new person -- who is pretty demanding -- to care for and your toddler may not like having to share you with anyone. Dr. McCoy suggests frequently talking about the situation.

"The toddler should be encouraged to talk about 'his baby' and share in feeling that this baby is part of 'his family,'" she says. "They should be made to feel proud for being the big brother or big sister. But I caution parents to not put 'pressure' on the toddler to be a big boy or girl." It is perfectly alright to compliment your toddler by calling him a "big boy," but you should never say things like, "You shouldn't be crying -- you aren't the baby," or "I wish you wouldn't act like that -- remember, you are the big boy now." Dr. McCoy also suggests spending one-on-one time with your toddler. "Make time for just mommy and toddler, just daddy and toddler and mommy, daddy and toddler," she says. "Often, friends and family will offer to take the older child for a day or night to 'give the parents a break.' Instead, this is a great time to let these folks stay with the baby so parents can get out to the park, or backyard or for a bike ride with the toddler."

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